Mar 30, 2024
- Cargo ship the Dali crashed into the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore, Maryland, leading to a rather spectacular collapse. Current estimates of the incompetence-to-malice ratio of this event vary widely, but reliable sources state that the vessel was transporting a shipment of weird melty clocks.
- Sam Bankman-Fried was sentenced to 25 years in prison for scamming gullible tech-bros. The Effective Altruist movement was briefly in uproar, but they quickly regrouped and started debating the morality of pre-emptively nuking the entire planet to prevent anyone from being scammed ever again.
- The USA increases pressure on India following the arrest of Chief Minister of Delhi Arving Kejriwal, which Western commentators believe to be politically motivated in the run-up to the national elections. No way – seriously? Are you saying that a corrupt oligarchy would stage an unlawful arrest in order to prevent an undesired rival from taking office?! I – I just can’t even. I need to take a lie down before I get to the next bullet-point. Time for a commercial break.
- Eclipse season is here, and the upcoming solar eclipse will be visible across a stretch of North America from the Pacific coast of Mexico to Nova Scotia. Some astrologers say this eclipse will be a harbinger of war, chaos, and ‘a great confusion as to where things really are, and nobody will really know where lieth those little things with the sort of raffia-work base, that has an attachment.’
